


"Is this the first time you've lost a soldier?"

by Qtip



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 17:31:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12017655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qtip/pseuds/Qtip
Summary: He probably deserved a punch more, but we rarely get what we deserve and even more rarely what we need.





	"Is this the first time you've lost a soldier?"

***

The first time Steve kisses him is on the Helicarrier, after Phil’s death. Tony wasn’t sure why he sought the room where it happened out, except that he’s angry. It’s a consuming, gnawing rage that burns the pit of his stomach until he can barely breathe. It’s not the first time he’s ever been angry. He’s always been angry, and he’s tried to fill that raging void – with sex, with food, with alcohol. Nothing’s ever worked as more than a temporary fix, except for his workshop. The place where everything falls away and it’s just him and the numbers and the angles, making it all fit, making it work. Making things no one has ever seen before.

But now there’s a giant red stain on the wall that used to be inside of Phil Coulson and there is nothing Tony can do to fix that. Phil Coulson used to be here, flirting hilariously badly with a celloist in Portland and awkwardly fanboying over Captain god damn America. And now he’s gone. It’s a problem in reverse: something that used to be real and now has been turned into make-believe. It’s a mockery of everything Tony does.

And now Steve has the fucking gall to stand there looking at him like he knows something that Tony doesn’t, that he understands something that is beyond Tony’s understanding, like he knows something about Tony and what he’s feeling.

And that is just not on.

“We are _not_ soldiers,” he snaps angrily and because he’s Tony he doesn’t know when to stop. “I don’t need you to come down here with your bottled heroism and-“

And Tony is aware that Steve is stepping closer and that he’s got a look on his insufferably perfect face that he can’t quite decipher but he knows he and Cap really don’t get along so when Steve raises his arms Tony assumes he’s going to get punched in the face.

Some part of him wants Steve to punch him, he probably deserves it.

What he doesn’t expect is for Steve to grab hold of his upper arms and pull him closer, up on his toes.

He really, really doesn’t expect Steve to kiss him. His lips are surprisingly warm and soft but his hands clench hard around Tony’s arm like he’s still angry with him and it feels like someone sent a hot current through his entire body, making his hands clench at his sides and his god damn toes curl in his boots.

When Steve lets go his breathing is uneven it feels like there’s a misplaced gear slipping away in his head, trying and failing to hock into the next to explain what the hell just happened as the silence grows between them.

_Click. Click. Click._

“I’m sorry-“ Steve begins, his face hard and unreadable.

“He made it personal.” In desperation, his brain catches on the first best thing. Forcing the gears together, grinding. Tony’s voice comes out a little uneven as he attempts to steady his breathing. Steve’s brow knit in confusion.

“Personal..?”

“Loki. He made it personal.” Tony repeats as his brain seizes the thread it caught and starts spooling it up, thinking faster and talking faster with each rotation a mixture of panic and frustration that Steve can’t keep up propelling him forward and then?

An evil plot to thwart.

A world and a universe to save.

Tony catches a glint of Steve’s reflection in the buffed metal door as he pulls it open. Something hesitant and closed off and open all at the same time. He doesn’t get it and he speeds up a fraction to avoid dealing with it.

_Click. Click. Click._

He’ll deal with that slipping gear later.

**Author's Note:**

> Heya all, thanks for reading! This is a one-shot (probably) that's been rolling around in my head for a while so I finally put it on paper. Let me know what you think!


End file.
